Thursday, August 27, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
We made our way to a shabby, aged trailer
Deep in the wildernesses of Nowhere, Virginia
Speed limit 10 in Glens
20 on Main Roads
The waters were docile and the green from the trees above
Looked like algae on the water's surface
I couldn't seem to focus on anything but the gravel in my canvas shoes
And she told me there was no time like the present
Well how shall I know she's present?
And we made love so that everyone could see
I realize, now, that we were everyone
We were fighting for our lives because who knows how long we'll feel this young, right?
She scribbled something sloppily in Spanish she probably thought I'd neither see nor comprehend
I told her about my infatuation with this American wilderness
But she didn't believe me
And I sang her that Outfield cover
And she didn't believe that either
I can recall my voice
While checking the time like late December in Manhattan
What happens now?
What does that mean?
I think it means, er...
Is this en route to inevitable destruction?
God, you worry so much
We can always continue from this ellipsis
It has always been a habit of mine
To acknowledge every cloudings potential to metamorphose into a downpour
And I arose to a desolate space
Devoid of all affection
And I realized the seeds I had planted had taken root
Fair to say, packing my umbrella was a worthwhile decision
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Despite my body's plea for change, I ignore the routine of an early morning trot.
I am fully aware of the dangers of subjective judgement
Here in this oddly misplaced age of neatly tied neck ties and symmetrically laced shoe strings,
But this God-given free will continues to have it's way.
I am greeted by the mid-afternoon breeze
And the stench of rotting berries from a tree I've been trying to identify without much success
Even with the assistance of my literature on the flora and fauna of North America
I have the tendency to do nothing on days like this
You know, sluggish, warm, Do-Nothing days
But I will make most of this one as this hazy atmosphere is usually unappealing to me
But has grown resplendent in mine eye
The body is a machine, a mechanism He created with such delicacy
All the pieces packed compactly within a shell
Yes, a machine and machines operate on fuel
Peanut Butter on toast
Great, now we can begin
Public transportation is such a drag and I barely have enough room
Between two large, odd regulars to think about the unutterable history
Between the number three line and myself
Three stops, two stops, my stop
Oh shit! MY stop!
Minding one's business is a philosophy taught to every youth
In every school yard across America
But I knew this girl from Anatomy & Physiology
God, how I dreaded that class
In all truth, I find it completely farcical that I often end up
At the hindquarters of every dying discourse
But I assume it's because I'm always conscripting tiny banks of audacity or intestinal fortitude
For efforts to make my words engaging.
We discuss old passions and what became of whom
I am surprised by a sudden selfishness as she informs me of those doing worse than myself
It makes me feel better about the fact that I am not as ambitious as I feel I should be
Tales of aborted love affairs and irresponsible thinking
Bidding farewell, I am late and there is a first time for everything
Breathless from choking down cigarettes, I climb the stairs
Today was a day for damning my existence, evaluating silent romances
And practicing brisk pragmatism
Friday, June 12, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Yes, this very night
A overwhelming wave of melancholy crashed against my fragile frame
And I believe I stood with open arms
Welcoming the tidal wave of crushing emotions
I divulge in literature and writing to occupy my mind but
I have developed a longing for a girl
Who fascinates me more than any other
Yet, who I feel like I only know by the narrowest of margins
Again, typical me
So, the expanse of music collection mirrors my emotions
Throwing at me the sappiest of songs I sometimes forget could bring me to tears
Blah Blah Blah
Oh, and here is my favorite bit
It is completely impossible to know if my feelings of almost deep infatuation are felt in return by said young woman
I guess it isn't the improbable cause of my lack of inspiration, huh?
Oh, and Venn Diagrams!
Lately, these devices of comparison have made frequent appearances in my sketchbook
They seem natural
Organic, if you will
Great, another sad sad song
Only in the summer do I feel this way
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
God, these hunger pangs
Solitary light seeping from the refrigerator
Boylan Bottleworks Black Cherry
Inaudible breathing in the upper levels of the edifice
I hate writing like this
A lone tear fell when my eyes fell upon this house
I said to myself
These people do not know me
As much as they believe they do
And I lack the adroitness to tell them as such
And no longer do I find comfort in my old allies
We share no common ground
"Yo, you hear that new Gucci?"
"No, but lately my migraines have grown past the level of incapacitating"
"So...you wanna hear that Gucci or what?"
I guess one could say I've been dreaming of freedom again.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
I came to, ears still ringing from the night before
Rolling out of a bed that is not my own
I grab my dirty shoes and worn flannel shirt
Stumbling torpidly toward the front door in a semi-hypnotic state of subconsciousness
I am deathly silent
I am inches away from the exit
Inches away from disappearing without making a sound
A sudden movement in my peripheral vision
"Yeah, I'm going to do work"
I am given looks of uncertainty and despondency
"Okay...well I'll see you at some point"
Is it wrong, when one knows his heart is elsewhere, to try to give affection to another?
In that very room
Tucked in a blanket
Uncomfortable with the adjacent situation
I find it hardly fathomable that the mind and heart
can ever concur
They are of opposite poles
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Feet blistered from a day of extensive walking
I lay my heavy head against the cold glass
and drown out the drones of conversations around me
Somewhere around Dover
she lay her head on my shoulder
Could I have been dreaming?
No way to be sure
The brain does peculiar things when it lacks what it needs
I lean into the window
in efforts to create a comfort zone for her
(or the apparition of her)
From hours of being still
And she is warm
And this song is a cover
And this gum is stale
A few more miles to Baltimore
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
This was an Elements of Visual Thinking project. The assignment was to engage a space (that space being the classroom) so that it is changed from its normal function. I used this canvas hood to blind me of sight, smell and a bit of hearing and I also vowed silence so that I was completely vulnerable to the outside world. I let the class do what they pleased with me. The real point of this hood was to show how humans act when given power and how, in most instances, the power is abused. I was lead into walls, objects were thrown at me, I was taunted and overall, I was used as an object of amusement.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Violet-black skies linger over head
I see her everywhere
Apparitions of that face surrounding me,
There and there,
Here and here
Spring arrives and astonishment ensues
Petals adhered to the wet, cement stairs
Yet, the formality of it all is profound
Just then, the Great Star crawled over the horizon
but my intentions are flawed
Just as they were when you knew me
Those trees are dampened with the dew of daybreak
and I think I own too many readings on the local flora and fauna
Names and names of things I have yet to encounter
This wind is whipping far to violently for me to bear today
Shake off the dust from my trusty, five-year-old windbreaker
grab my camera
and get a late start on an early day
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
I closed my eyes
and opened my ears to full capacity.
I heard a voice
but the words were in a voice I could not comprehend
I can only imagine
that what was said was nothing in my favor
and a stab at my character
On this journey, I have met too many individuals
who concern themselves solely with richness and decadence
fame and fortune,
and things of that nature
No, I am not the same
for my only goal in life is to make a sincere impact on as many people I encounter as possible; whether it be positive or negative
I want to be remembered
That is all.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.
Friday, March 13, 2009
vain, vane, vein
I am a man of peculiar tastes
I've had recent run-ins with old friends--the majority being the imaginary ones--and I realize how much of a change I have made as a being.
I used to think it was possible to ensconce oneself on clouds. I made it my primary goal in life. I later found out it wasn't possible. I cried for hours upon hours.
"I quit my job and moved to live in France for a short while, because I wanted to spend time with a girl that fascinates me more than anybody I have ever known"
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
I'll post it anyways...
So many ideas went into this self-portrait series, that it was too hard for the class to grasp. I have to find a simple way to incorporate all my ideas without confusing the viewer. Two of the drawings are layered tracing paper sketches of my face: one in india ink, the other in pencil. One is chalk & charcoal on toffee colored paper and the last is just ebony pencil on found paper. All the drawings have a projection of a photograph of me onto them. So many concepts, so little time.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
There are times when I stop and think
about the choices I have made
and how arbitrary they have become
Based on nothing but pleasure of the flesh
So I think of what good they have done
I draw up blank.
In the meantime, I compare myself to those idolize.
Of course, with my own revisionism
and I make of mold of that which I chose to be
which I long to be
I have so much work to do.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Don't push an artist because we already live close to the edge!! LEARN YOUR LIMITS!! Appreciate the art because if we didn't CREATE the SHIT that you LOVE you would stand TRAPPED in a BLAND WORLD! DON'T JUDGE US! DON'T QUESTION US! DON'T CRITICIZE US! It takes a lot to OPEN our HEARTS and POUR ourselves to you! My WORLD is not the SAME as your world. I have seen SHIT that you would NEVER understand and if you saw it you'd KILL yourself! I FEEL PAIN that you'd never be able to TOLERATE! I don't always SMILE because I'm HAPPY, sometimes I just smile because it FEELS great! We don't have to do what we do! We are giving out gifts for free! Merry Fucking Christmas!! Don't complain about a GIFT! Consider yourself LUCKY, and consider yourself WARNED!
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Tessa said :
"You know, there is only a fine line between genius and insanity"
and it wasn't the first time I'd heard that.
Not that I am a genius or anything (nor do I try to be) but
for those geniuses out there,
one could interpret that many ways
I am rotting away
I feel like a flightless bird
knowing my potential and seeing what my peers can do
yet feeling so uninspired that I just don't even try to get my feet off the ground
"what a waste of talent"
"Hurting someone is an act of reluctant intimacy"
Today was the most one of the beautiful days of the new year.
Sometimes I wish I was a snake so I could stick out my tongue and taste the air
taste the joy,
taste the relief,
taste the life within it
feeling the wind gust whipping against my skin
and the faint sounds of children skipping in praise of the day
it is at times like these...I am okay
it feels good to feel alive every once in a while
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
James and I went to Mass
but neither of us is Catholic
so we knew nothing of what to expect
but, both of us being Christian, we knew what Communion was
and we could make it through that
as we walked thru the pews, I was amazed at the how grand and gothic everything was compared to all the churches I had attended
I listened to the Word of God
I ate His son's flesh
I drank His son's blood
and we sang the closing hymn
as I exited the doors of the House of the Lord
I felt as though I had just been rained on
and as I looked at James, I could tell he felt the same
it's funny how a little worship can change a man
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
yesterday, one of my roommates friends passed away
despite our differences, i was sympathetic
he was so down; as i have never seen him before
it is at times like these i realize people all have feelings no matter what
and death makes us all realize that
Thursday, January 29, 2009
i don't remember much of what she said
i remember the crying
things never change
she still cries to this day
but there is something comforting in her tears
i think absence is the key to painlessness
but these things are never easy for the weak
we give in to empathy
she laid her head on my chest
"i think i'm comfortable with you"
i think you're delusional
"yeah...i guess, if you want to put it that way"
"what do you mean?"
"you're always comfortable with me when you're hurting"
i'm no good at things of this sort
at least we know things won't change